I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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