I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
