just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
