it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
