Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
