I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
