I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We smell like vodka and hangover
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
