so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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