he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
