I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
should my penis look like a turkey
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....