i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
