Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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