You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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