Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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