so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
