I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm having to shit out rocks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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