so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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