Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
