I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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