I think I just saw someone hide a body.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
