I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was like eating out sand paper
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
