yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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