Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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