Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
