Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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