she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
