she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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