i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
