Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
