Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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