sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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