I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
