Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
