I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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