I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
