Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
