Im at strip club and am horny
so let's talk penis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
