me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
