you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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