I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
