My nipple is on Facebook.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
