bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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