I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
