Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
