I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
