i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
