By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
