My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
