If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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