everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
