Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
