So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
