some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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