You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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