i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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