So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
