i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
