Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
