glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
