He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Someone signed my nipple.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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