That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
