drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You ruined the universe
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
