why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
