After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
