The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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