Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
