My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
