A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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