ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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