I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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