its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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