I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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