I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
