Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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