I need help removing her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
