fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
